Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
