His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
