they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
