our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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