the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
