Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
