I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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