I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
