he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
