She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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