You work out of a Hotel?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
