No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
