I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
