my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
