I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
