Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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