you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
