Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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