I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
