i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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