Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
