my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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