Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
