I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
