I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
