Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
