Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
