OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
