He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
