Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
