eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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