they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
