I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
