Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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