wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
