I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
