remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
