apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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