When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
