how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
