I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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