scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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