i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
