This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
