The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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