I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
