make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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