Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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