We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
