you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
