THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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