The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Help. Why am I so naked?
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