God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
