Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
