I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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