I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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