Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
