Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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