New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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