She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
