how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
