To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
