do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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